Author: admin

Supposed that certain person is respectable. Then people think I should I want him because I adore him. Supposed I’m successful in my mission to get him, for example we have extramarital affair. But then, is he still respectable? Because scandalous person is not so respectable. And I will become a disgusting person for causing unnecessary problems. Then I will hate myself. Then everybody with healthy mind will hate both of us. Then he won’t be effective anymore in doing his jobs. And his job is important and so many at stakes. It means I destroy greater good for my insanity. That’s the logic of these people.

In my point of view, it’s simply strange and konslet.

I try to sort things out between the virtual reality and factual reality.

In factual reality, I can’t just suddenly have conversation with male except they work in the same place, or went to the same school in the same year or different year without huge gap, or involve in the same organization. May be I did many times, but it was asking things. Such as in Kantor Pos on how to get things. Or in my daughter’s kindergarten because that person know me and my friend. So casual conversations.

So even in the virtual reality after cocoklogi result in particular person, I won’t do anything. Why? Because I don’t find any objectives in the Virtual Reality.

When I talk about no feeling, people gave me score 10. So what is 1? I should have a feeling? What feeling? Love? Or romance? Or just any feeling that people can’t actually explain so they just label it as love?

I’ve met so many people, men and women. It’s just so confusing if I have to have feeling for many men that I know, or women (but I’m straight so impossible). Like at school or work, I have to interact with lots of men. Should I have feeling towards them?

We’re talking about casual things, homework, or work. It’s impossible to always have feelings toward them.

I have to admit that I can have certain feelings to certain people. It’s not something to be faking. So in virtual reality, should I fake my feelings to nearest possible proxy to comply in Virtual Reality. It’s weird.

I appreciate those who really comply. Compliance, as any other things, in good in certain ways and bad in certain ways. I dont’t know how they manage their feelings but I assume they surpress it. So it’s just operatives for them.

For me? I don’t even know the whole arrangement, logic, and structures of Virtual Reality. I don’t even know the objectives of it. How could I comply to something that I don’t know what it is, what it is for and why?

I also admit that for now I have special feeling to certain people. But it’s just adoration. It’s not like I will change myself to be this person’s type. It’s not like I want to be married to this person. Or it’s not like I want to have romantic relationship with this person. I mean, what about my husband, my daughter, my dreams, my objectives, my world?

People in Virtual Reality will ask. So what is adoration for? How should I know? The feelings just came into me. It made me see several things. May be it happen to make me see several things. May be without this person, I will neglect to see those things.

While they consider me crazy, I think it’s crazy that people expect me to build whatsoever relationship to this person’s nearest proxy in my circle. No, I adore that certain person. Proxy won’t pay it off. I’m newbie in faking things and I won’t consider it as one of my expertise in the future.

I slightly know the compatibility between the person I adore and me. It’s incompatible because I’m not the type. And my feeling? It’s flat. Why is it flat? I am who I am and I feel enough. My inferiority doesn’t come from my lacking in other people’s eyes, instead it came internally.

In this case, my irreciprocal feeling is insignificant. It’s different case with my husband. If I have to work hard to do my obligations, so does he.

I have my own world that I have to establish daily. Incompatibility should not be my biggest problem.

Or is this just another manipulation?

But I will never know the truth will I?

So be it.

Attack me then I will blind attack anybody.

Who will be the winner?

Oh it’s a gambling.

But I will congratulate whoever pull the trigger.

Very Indonesian

Memancing di air keruh

Nobody care about me so I won’t care about anybody.

Because it will always be losing game for me.

When I’m thinking about something that matter to me, people start to get noisy about my deficiency.

People think they are so great with their achievement and anything, they forget how to civil their mouth and attitude.

So shiny it blinds them so bad?

Attack me, you attack so many people. But what’s the fun if it’s not done in secret? Isolate me as if I’m the one who need some fixes. As if I’m the only victim.

But I won’t reveal it in public. I remember people keep thinking why things never finished at that time.

I won’t switch to the other side too because I’m not in any sides at all.

Is it the curse of debt?

Then the curse will on to those who in debt.

Wait, is it on?

People position me as deficiency?

I wonder if it’s valid?

Should I be paralyzed?

Let’s see

Always similar mode of operandi

I always wonder what’s the price of me keep watching certain people?

Now may be I just got answer, an inconvenient answer.

The background is, there is part of me that would want to support those who are less fortunate than me. Like, for example I’m thinking about allocating some part of my profits in the future to support causes that I believe will bring greater good. In short, it’s like a philanthropic spirit.

I can’t quite explain where I got this tendency. But I read that be a service to other will make us fuller and happier. May be this is where it comes from. I’m not really sure.

I’m fully aware that when we help other we can’t always expect that they will appreciate our efforts. There is systematic reason why millions people are poor. In my opinion, there is also systematic way of thinking that makes people want to stay where they are. Not always bad, but not good at all when the situation is critical. For example, this way of thinking is good when people are already rich. It also prevents some people from being greedy and put so much damages in the world. But for people who lives in extreme poverty? This way of thinking is harmful for themselves.

In my opinion, no matter how people think, there should be bare minimum standard of living for example eat 2-3 times a day healthily, drink clean water, live with hygiene, receive good education, etc.

I was thinking how to grow my company bigger and bigger and work on this cause? Although perhaps I will start from the most relevant cause such as mental health. Not so sure for now. So it’s like capitalistic Robin Hood. Instead of robbing, I make a handsome profit and chanel it to people that are less fortunate.

But now I just realized, that there is already instrument for that. It is… Tax.

This is where I’m divided. My brain and my heart are not so in sync. Normally this is happen when I fall in love. But since now I’m so loyal like a dog to my family, it doesn’t happen any more. But, basically my brain and my heart are seldom to get along, now they found a new reason to spark a debate between them.

My brain is thinking about the wealthy people that pay less percentage of tax, or manipulate their financial report, then why shouldn’t I do that? Is it Halal or Haram, I don’t know. May be if I don’t lie too much, it’s still halal. Oh and those rampant corruption. I don’t know what percentage of it that goes to the officials’ personal pockets. The point is, tax is Cryptonite to my brain. So it want to pay as less as possible.

My heart has its own thinking. Contributing to the umbrella ☂️ that keeps the society safe and sound no matter what the weather, is philanthropic. After all, it gives meaning to life. Ultimately, I will get pahala.

So there here I go again, divided. I deserve gold for being divided so many times. But the gold won’t be given to me unless I earn it. So I’m chasing gold not for the sake of the gold itself, but because I’m divided.

But my heart is asking my brain to look for the angles to make it reasonable, no matter what other people doing. Cause I’m nearly the threshold of not eligible to use 0.5% rate anymore.

Hal yg sering muncul di VR tuh katanya I ga kerja. Padahal waktu itu I lagi heboh-hebohnya setting up bisnis I.

Jadi I bingung kerja itu maksudnya apa. Yg buat I kerja, buat VR itu bukan kerja.

Penasaran aja

Walaupun waktu I tau, I ga otomatis lakuin juga sih. I evaluate dulu, sesuai ga sama goals n kondisi I.

Live in two parallel worlds tuhh bikin bingung ya.

Suatu hal yg menarik memperhatikan fenomena aksi yg kita jalankan dan reaksi yg kita dapatkan.

Misal ketika kita bersyukur, kita akan merasa lebih merasa cukup

Ketika sayang sama anak, somehow deep down it heals inner child

Ketika berusaha membina keluarga, diri bisa lebih growing dari sisi keikhlasan, kebijaksanaan, dan kesabaran *walau sering masih sumbu pendek sih hehe

Pertanyaannya apakah bucin return nya bagus?

Ini sangat menarik karena ada paham yg bilang ketika kita beramal, sebenarnya kita beramal untuk diri sendiri.

Ketika kita mengamalkan kesungguhan apa ya yg didapatkan?

Mungkin damage kita jadi extra plus plus kali ya soalnya kita spend a lot buat ngejar sesuatu yg kita inginkan?

Bisa jadi bisa jadi

Jadi ini menginspirasi aku buat bucin pada suatu cause tapi apa ya belum ketemu nih yg pas.

Biar aku juga punya damage yg bikin orang nahan napas 🤣🤣🤣

Ga deng wkwk, yaa biar ikut mengangkat reputasi perusahaan aku juga nantinya. Jadi aku pake baju cause yg aku believe in.

Selain itu biar tapping into unlimited energy karena makin fulfilling purpose kita makin bikin ga cepat lelah.

Gilasih, ternyata menarik banget bisa mempelajari berbagai fenomena yg inspiring.

Kalau dipikir-pikir sebenernya Virtual Reality masyarakat kebanyakan itu bentuk yg paling sederhana. Jadi kecenderungannya itu langsung ngambil pilihan yang paling gampang. Ada juga sih beberapa orang yang emang udah advanced banget dalam VR, sehingga membuat hati ini tersandera karena saking memukau dan menyilaukan (bukan dalam artian romantis ya). Tapi mostly I dilibatkannya di VR yg in the simplest form.

Misalnya I lagi mikirin dan berekspresi ide tentang A. Nah terus refleksi VR nya setelah cocoklogi sekali atau beberapa kali end up di Person 4 yg ga ada hubungan langsung sama ide tentang A.

Nah itu kan gampang banget ya sebenarnya. Tapi jujur buat I, di sisi lain itu challenging banget. Karena somehow disambungkan ke sesuatu yg esensinya ga nyambung itu agak demotivating buat I. Jadi semangatnya itu somehow put into test, karena degrading. Jadi I mesti put energi tambahan buat maintain quality of flow. Ngerti kan flow, kaya berasa kita tuh lagi on our peak focus, the idea and the self become 1. Jadi VR ini di I bikin gembos energi.

Belum lagi kalau historis orangnya tuh misal yg lewat cocoklogi tuh pernah ada problem sama kita. Ya tau sih, VR harusnya ga pake feeling. Tapi I kan pada dasarnya orangnya feeling banget. Malah saking intense nya, kejebur VR pertama-tama aja bikin I stress. Mungkin SLE I juga muncul gara-gara unbearable stress. (-Balik lagi ke ga pake feeling). Nah jadi apa yg harus I lakukan biar menyikapi VR ga pake feeling? Gatau sih, ini belum ketemu jawabannya.

Selain itu, karena I udah kadung kejebur VR dan selalu di expose dengan VR, I pikir gimana kalau I cari hal-hal yg spirit lifting di VR? Dan ironically enough emang VR ini. Di sisi lain bikin geleng-geleng, tapi sisi lainnya bikin angguk-angguk karena ada keindahan dan keajaiban ibarat hidden gem. Yah mungkin ujung-ujungnya dicocoklogiin sama yg ga relevant tapi yasudahlah some loss some gain

Mungkin ada hikmahnya juga kenapa I bisa kejebur VR, walaupun I jadi bingung sendiri kenapa kok orang lain pada udah ngeh VR ya? Apa VR orang lain juga penuh pengondisian dan rekayasa seperti VR punya I? Ntahlah I mungkin ga akan dapat jawabannya.

Jadi karena sudah terjebak di VR, I lagi building resources:

1. energy I yg finite tapi di infinite infinite in
2. feeling yg irrational tapi di rational rational in sama brain I
3. Gold, gem, and diamond yg bikin VR worthwhile. Bukan cuma a bunch of cocoklogi doang yg bikin gembos energi.

Ya emang hidup selalu ada cobaan. Yg jadi biasa buat orang lain, bisa jadi cobaan yg berat buat I. Semoga melalui ini dengan hati ikhlas dan ridho juga bisa jadi peluang dapat pahala. Semoga ga sia-sia semua usaha ini. Semoga menjadi pintu panen pahala dan rejeki.

Aamiin.

In my virtual reality, people keep talking about home as if it’s so sacred. Once somebody asked me, “Where do you go home?” I answered, “Eternity”. Because that’s my default mode on communication: say things factual and literal. I also communicate in metaphor. But metaphor that is normally widely accepted, taught at school, or what I see fit accordingly. Lately I use metaphor that will be said in virtual reality, only few and very rarely in daily communication.

So what is Home? I don’t know what is Home in virtual reality. I have speculation that it’s somebody. Which somebody? How should I know? VR is always confusing because lack of logic and structure that supports it. Often times, it sounds random to me. May be some similarities, then it’s becoming Home. The concept is weird.

What about Home for me?

1. It’s Home when I feel peaceful, warm, belong. It’s wherever my husband and my daughter are. Because being with them, I feel happy the most.
2. It’s Home when my way of thinking being validated. I feel Home when I’m with my husband. Because he understands the way I think. It comes always in ease to talk with him, because it’s always challenging to emphasize my point in particular place because they will twist the meaning of whatever I say. So my husband is Home for me, while that place is never my Home.
3. Physical house in Eternity. My husband wants to live in another place when he’s retired. I keep saying that I’d rather be home at Eternity.

I have no intention to leave my comfortable Home. But I will always upgrade it, making it more comfortable. We’re growing together.

I never forget where I came from. But it’s not my home anymore. In this journey of life, what’s relevant to me is changing. It think that what happens in other people too.

Life is good for me, although people in VR will think otherwise.

But I’m home now.