Let Us Thrive and Rise to The Challenges

My daughter suddenly talk about love romantically and I think kids these day can categorize love.

What type of love do I know?

1. Romantic love. The first love I learn theoretically via movies, songs, mangas since childhood. I also theoretically learn that it is 2 sides of the coins. Give you flowering heart and wilting heart. Then I practiced it in real life over time.
2. Love to self. The second love I learn without theory but learning by doing. Constantly compared with others since childhood gave me inferiority complex early. But when I saw myself unworthy of love, I start to crave achievements that I think can make me better compared to other. I start to grow the love to myself, because how can I see myself the only person that unworthy while I have much better qualities than some others? It’s an unfair way to see a self. I Invested so many time and energy to push me to achieve things that I’m proud of. Everytime the temptation lure me to love other romantically, I start to calculate to what it would cost me. I often broke my heart before anybody else could do it to me. Because I broke it with love. Love to self has been the main charges of my motions. When I love myself, strangely it commands impossibilities. To achieve bigger than what I am now.
3. Love that rooted from other being responsible. This is the love that I don’t know theoretically but came as blessings from Allah. My husband introduce this type of love to me. Him being responsible trigger the love from me and also inspires me to be responsible too. To give my best effort to our family. I didn’t notice that I love my parents since my head was clouded with my disappointments that I carry. But I believe they love me with their way, so I love them. I pray Allah forgives me for having bad feelings toward them and help me to cleanse my feelings. I don’t want my daughter have misunderstanding towards me the way I do with my parents.
4. Unconditional love. My daughter introduced this to me. It’s like me as mother being drunk to love my kid regardless of her what’s not so fit to my likings. I am doing voluntary work to carry on the roles to pass the genes to the next generation happily and gratefully although it cost me a lot.
5. Love towards love that give me chances to love myself. My husband introduce it lately for the magnitude of his love. He loves me by giving me chance to pursue what my heart commands me. He let me love myself. He invests his resources on me and my progress. I am forever grateful to it. I try to remember to those who were willing to invest on me and pray that they are given blessings. The way it has always been a blessings to me.

I think in my virtual reality people will say that I’m living in hell because I never received direct guidances on how I should live or how to achieve things. They associate that kind of life with jealousy.

But on contrary, jealousy was never be part of motivation. It’s always been the love to myself that drags me every time when I’m down. That’s not a cheap matter as it demands growth and uncomfortable progress throughout life.

I saw many things but I don’t envy. So don’t envy with what I have. My inferiority complex keep saying that there’s no reason people envy me. But I don’t know the reality. People may think I envy somebody else so they can envy me too. I don’t actually know how people’s brains are wired, especially with what’s happen in virtual reality.

People could think that there’s so many bad things happen to me in the past that make me envy or want to get revenge. I’m telling you that the inclination to love myself is much bigger. My appetite to achieve what I aim to is much bigger than to take revenges. The more progress I pay to myself, the more insignificant their insults to my feeling. To me, I have to pay to get revenges but I only get short term intangible satisfaction. In contrary, I pay to give me progress and get both tangible and intangible long term satisfaction. That’s how I operate. When people think it’s stupid, I say it’s constructive. Collectively done, it will give better long term result.

I don’t envy, so don’t envy me. Please keep away all the threats. Let me and my family thrive and rise to the challenges.