What I really want is robust safety and stability in life. If anything bad happened – that I pray not to happen – I still have strong ground for me and family to stand on.
Who will represent me for this?
If the situation here is about representation, I want to say that basically, I have no intention to buy somethings that are not affordable for me. Those things in real life, or in virtual reality, I won’t buy it. Do I want those refined knowledge that blind my senses to current reality? Or do I want those glamourous blink-blink things that make me forget about my desperation? I do want all those things, but I won’t buy it simply because it’s not affordable for me.
But my virtual life, in a way that I don’t understand, always be collided with the life that is not affordable for me. I’m okay, and not okay at the same time, with the perceptions that are built inside my mind. About losing, longing, and powerlessness.
I remember in the past, when I have no slightest idea about the rules of this virtual reality game, there is so many mispercetions and misunderstandings that led me to do things that I don’t want to do if I was in that situation again.
I hated all those reflections without realizing what happened were all of my reflections. Because, several things inside me were involved.
It’s very simple if the rules are as I think they are.
This time I still don’t know what to achieve in this virtual reality. If it’s worthy to achieve and why should I achieve it. Or how to achieve all of it.
In real life, I’m decisive. I know what I want. I know how to achieve that. When I don’t have money to achieve it, I use my energy and thoght as substitutes. Progress may be slow, but I’m using my resources with my best ability in a way that aligns with my beliefs. It’s always been like that my throughout my life. I wear a clothes that woven by pride and humility that transforms me from time to time.
But in virtual reality, I decide that I will put more attentions to it. Is it the right thing to do? I don’t know, how should I know? Is it normal in virtual reality that my life is being collided with many different persons from time to time?
My surrounding will treat it with what’s most familiar to them. And I have to accept those misattribution during my life. If I won’t respond to it, then what are the consequences? I’m forever little? Forever funny?
This life is similar to the concept of hell in Islam. It’s said that it will burn us, then we heal, then burn us over and over again. Let every my desires within me being burnt every time it grows. Let every stabbing words they say remind me of who I am and what I’m after.
To some extent, I got the point. But only few.
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